lordwank (lordwank) wrote in elfwood_wank,
lordwank
lordwank
elfwood_wank

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sent directly to teh l0rds of ELFWOOD

This was sent straight through the 'Contact Us' form. I was surprised, but shouldn't have been, when I submitted it (under the name of Syric), only to be stopped by the RED TEXT OF DOOMY DOOM. Yea, it stood before me, declaiming in the voice of the gods:

At least first and last (real) name, please:

Although set back, I was not foiled, oh no. I swiftly fabricated a surname- Rednar- and sent it into the maw of the hideous beast, which devoured it with a satisfying belch. What follows is the content of that message, sent under the topic of 'Praise and appreciation'.

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Congratulations, Elfwood. You have reached the pinnacle of mental depravity.

I can't believe this. You have such a need to possess the ONE TROO AND LEGAL NAME of EVERY USER that you have gone so far as to refuse to post their art until they send you proof of ID? How are they supposed to prove it? Mail your their Social Security card? Scan their drivers' license? I would put down money that at least 4 out of 10 users have not posted their real names, but names that SOUND real, like Lisa Johnson. You pass those names by without so much as entertaining the possibility that they might not be real, selecting only those with bizarre names placed there for joke purposes. You'd never think of asking a Joe Smith to show you proof that that moniker is indeed their real name. And your suggestions for ID stink heavily of possible identity theft or fraud. Why on God's green Earth would someone send you their SS card?! WHY SHOULD THEY NEED TO? WHY?!

I demand answers, as do countless others on the mighty Intarweb, as to why you must be privy to our ONE TWU NAMES.

Should you ignore this plea for information, may you forever be condemned to playing Go Fish in the eleventyfifth level of Hell.

(and no, that isn't my name up there, so no searching for my phone number and leaving prank messages, kthxbai.)

NO! WAIT! I LIED. Plz forgive me. Here is my scanned drivers license with my name on it, confirming my identity. Sorry for the things I said :( Really.

http://xs45.xs.to/pics/05363/liscense.png

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(Luka, u rock, kthxpie)
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XD
Furthermore, there are real people who do not have a last name (I know a guy named Kumar. That is is whole name.)

Idiots.
What I don't get isn't that you have to provide a full name...it's why *minors* have to provide a full name.

If someone posts a real-sounding name like Luka Delaney, and that's not good enough, who the fuck cares? What purpose, precisely, does it serve to have the name on my birth certificate when when all I have in my gallery were the requisite four images and a note saying I was planning to close my account completely.

I was happy to leave my account to rot, but when the stupid real name thing happened I decided to stay and have some fun.

I have stalker problems, as I'll be explaining to the ERB. No fucking way my real name is getting out on the internet. Yeah, I agreed to follow the real name rule to get my gallery.

AND GUESS WHAT I GO BY IN THE REAL WORLD?

Ah well. This is as good a time as any to change it so the paperwork matches what people have been calling me for 2 years...